30/365

Nothin' like a good old-fashioned rivalry to keep me entertained while I'm "snowed in".

Over the Christmas break, I went to see KU play my alma mater, Belmont, in basketball. Seeing a game at Allen Fieldhouse in Lawrence is about more than just the competition. It's also about an incredible history and heritage and tradition. So, for the night, I took more pride in Kansas than Belmont (which has basically no tradition in athletics- don't even have a football team- which has left such a void from my college years I will never fill--but that's beside the point...). For just a few hours, I set my K-State Pride aside. And in doing so, I abandoned my family, friends, and ultimately, MYSELF! And for that, I was both ashamed and embarrassed.

So tonight, when the two faced off, I felt moved to go to a certain extreme to redeem myself. To earn back my Wildcat wings, per say. (As was shown in the video.)

It really cuts to lose. Especially in such a knock-down-drag-out-fight to the bitter end. I guess the only comfort I can find in it is knowing that no matter what the outcome, we all bleed purple together...

29/365

Originally, I had a fun lunch date with some friends, a 1st birthday party, happy hour drinks in honor of Kansas Day, and a double dinner date planned for today. I had a day off from all things music, so I had maxed out my calendar to its full social capacity.

Then it snowed.

A bunch.

So I quickly moved on to Plan B- me. my best friend. breakfast in bed. ski gear. a sled. mid-afternoon sonic diet coke. hot chocolate. broccolli cheddar soup. fireplace. couch. blanket. appletv. movie. slippers. leggings. candles. more candles. guitar. bubble bath. donald miller book. blog. ahhhh....

The soundtrack for today's entry is "A Little Bit of Love" by the lovely (and I mean LOVELY) Joy Williams. It's so true when she says "the best things in life are always the simple things". I think we proved her point today :)

28/365

Today I worked with Miss Tucker Perry. First of all, lets talk about how cool the name Tucker Perry is. I mean, the girl was basically pre-destined to be a rockstar when she got that name. Second of all, lets talk about the fact that Tucker is the reigning Miss Tennessee USA. No big deal. I know tons of beauty queens. NOT. We were working on music for EP that she'll have up on iTunes come May. Just in time for when she wins Miss USA (crossing fingers and toes).

We had an interesting conversation about how misleading personalities can be. For the better and the worse. Isn't it true that some of the sweetest, most tender people can get away with murder? We get sucked into someone's "niceness" and assume that even if their actions don't add up, we give them the benefit because they are "a nice guy". On the other hand, some of the most blunt, abrasive, challenging personalities can really be the most giving and selfless people underneath. As I was thinking about it later in the day, it really comes down to 1 word: MOTIVE.

In other words, I don't think the walls of our heart (if there is such a thing) are lined with a long list of all the things we did in our days here on planet earth. I think, if there's wallpaper of any kind, it says WHY we did the things we did and WHO we did it for. To please ourselves? To control others? To help the ones we love? To win the acceptance of our peers? To feed our own pride? Or was it to love everyone the best we could?

Maybe I buy into this theory because I fall into the more abrasive category at times. And I know that I can be alot of work to be around because I don't really know how to tell people what they wanna hear. I'm better at telling people what I think they need to hear (because that's what I value on the receiving end.) For the most part, I love this part of myself. But sometimes, if I'm completely honest, I wish I had a less assertive, more palatable disposition.

As for the current Miss Tennessee, she is extremely lovable, genuine, talented and everything BUT what you would expect from the typical "pageant girl". (Aside from the fact that she's gorgeous.) She used to sing background vocals for me in my live show and she would show up to rehearsal with no make-up and a t-shirt. POINT, TUCKER. I can assure you that HER graceful personality is nothing but an extension of who she is underneath.

So yay for Tucker. Thanks for being my friend. And for at least one year of my life, giving me the opportunity to casually drop "my friend, Miss Tennessee" in the middle of any conversation. YES.

27/365

Some people come home to a house full of babies. Some people come home to an empty house. And some people come home to a husband and a good friend writing a song in the dining room.

I kinda left yall hangin' last night...now where was I?

You know those days when the weight of the world just comes crashing down like a two-ton brick on your shoulders? And you get news that just makes the moment you're in feel like it's just too heavy? And you don't even begin to know how to wrap your mind around the hand you've been dealt? Well, that was yesterday morning for me.

I don't feel comfortable sharing the specifics of the situation over the 'interweb' (as Rodney calls it), but the details aren't important anyway. What is important is how desperate I was for God's voice. And how hungry I was for his Comfort. And once some of the dust had settled after the situation, I was thinking about how it often takes something so traumatic for me to literally fall to my knees. And how I wished that I could wake up just as desperate and hungry for the Lord that way everyday. Not just the days that the storm hits. But, to be completely honest, I don't.

I buy into the facade of securities that surround me on "better days". Wether it be material or career or status or whatever...the truth is, I am in need of just as much grace and forgiveness and healing on these days as I am the traumatic ones. It's just harder for me to sift through those artificial comforts and find the Truth than on the days when it all comes crashing down. So THANK GOD He lets it all come crashing down. Or else I don't know that I'd ever even begin to know Him.

Speaking of comfort, I just have to say that this blog has quickly become one of the most rewarding parts of my day. I have gotten so many amazing messages and verbal feedback from people I do and do not know. The small town girl that grew up with everyone knowing everything feels right at home doing this blog. And it is comforting, in a way, to not only have an outlet to spew my thoughts but to know that someone--alot of someones--are reading it. So thank you.

One of my "followers" is a girl named Kelly. She is actually my inspiration for doing a 365 Project in the first place. Kelly is an incredible photographer and I was turned on to her blog mid-summer of last year. She took a photo(s) of her 2 beautiful daughters everyday all year. And even though I've only been around Kelly a handful of times (most of when I was less than 10 years old!), and I've never even met her daughters, checking out her blog became part of my nightly routine last year. Brush teeth, wash face, pj's, hop into bed w/ computer, fire up the Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds blog. Her photos are exquisite and her daughters are just....well.....you'll see. In the blogging world, she is somewhat of a celebrity to me. So you can imagine how flattered I was to get such a supportive shout-out in her entry last night.

Well, now that I've led you all astray in what is probably my most incohesive entry to date, I want to say thank you. Thank you for reading this stuff. Everytime I run into one of you on the Row or wherever and you say something about my brother getting engaged or my crazy neighbors, I feel known. And it feels good.

26/365

Nights like these are really going to test my dedication to this project. Walked in at 12:30 AM dead on my feet. It would have been so easy to just melt into my bed. But NO MA'AM. I cranked up the computer. As for blogging, I have so much I want to say right now. But I'll have to pick up with it tomorrow, because I have to be up early in the morning and I'm really vulnerable right now. If I started writing what I am feeling....well, there's no tellin'...

We went to see my alma mater play their rival in the Battle of the Boulevard game tonight. After that, we caught a blues band and then ended up at a great round at the Bluebird. I love this town. As crazy as it may be. I love this town.

So sorry this was brief. I'll make up for it tomorrow. Promise. Zzzzz.....

25/365

Lovely. The story just keeps unfolding next door. When I get a free minute this week, I'm making brownies and goin' over with a flip cam hidden somewhere on my person. So stay tuned for that.

In the meantime, we're just learning to adjust to the harmonious barking that echoes through the walls. Tonight I pray "Lord, please keep the black wrought iron fence next door in tact. Please keep the soil underneath the fence solid and frozen, so that the fierce doberman pincers cannot dig their way out. If they do get out, I pray that you keep all young children (mainly ME) under your protection. God, I also pray for patience. I will need it daily as I will be greeted by the angry and annoying yelps of the neighbor dogs everytime I pull in the drive. Help me to love them because you created them. And help me to give their [mysterious and sketchy] owners grace throughout the many sleepless nights and life-and-death encounters I predict are in our near future."

Amen.

24/365

I guess that some people's Saturday nights last a little longer than others! We got a chuckle out of this today at lunch. There's really not much more to say about it than that.

Here's the current scenario: Saints 28-Vikings 28. OT. Saints just won the toss. Like most, I'm enticed by the games that come down to the last minute. Especially a game like this one, where a whole season and a Super Bowl are at stake. And it gets me thinking about what that means in life. Isn't it true that the more one has to lose, the more interesting the story is? (Thanks to Donald Miller, I now look at everything in life thru the lens of a movie camera.)

I think about the journey it was for me to claim myself as an artist. For so many years, I demanded to be labeled exclusively as a "songwriter". Deep down, I knew what my gifts were. I knew my skill-set. And they leant themselves to more than just sitting in empty rooms writing. But I was a chicken. To stand up and proclaim "I want to make a record. I am an artist." scared me to the core. And I saw all that I could lose in doing so.

What are those things I could lose, you ask? PRIDE. REPUTATION. COMFORT. (just for starters.) To live in a town full of musicians means subjecting yourself to the scrutiny of their opinions. And I had to have a serious conversation with myself about which I valued more: the restlessness inside of me that God had used to get my attention OR the voices of strangers. The longer I lived here, the more people I knew in the music business, which meant the more and more opinions I had to risk. And, I am ashamed to say, that it took longer than it should have to make the right decision. But I did.

And as I watch the Saints making their way down the field at this very moment, I can't help thinking about how they've never been to a Super Bowl before. And how every play they have so much to lose. But I'm glued to the screen, because I want to see history being made. And I'm enamored with the possibility of history being made in my own life. So I'm taking notes from the Saints:

-Try to win all your games.

-Lose some.

-Get back up.

-Get better.

-Win some more.

-Kick a winning field goal.

-Make history.

I can handle that. But first, "I am Nicolle, and I am an artist. I want to make a record and sing my songs on the radio."