110/365

A country boy can survive. So can a country girl, thankyouverymuch.

Have you ever been in a situation where you've felt like being rude to someone out of love for someone else? (In response to someone hurting someone you love.) I'm not really going to go into details, but I will say that it's a fine line for me between loyalty and hatefulness. I was raised to believe that you stand by the ones you love. And as I mentioned on day 94, part of loving them has always meant having their back. But it's one thing to take a bullet for someone, and it's another to shoot one back.

For the last few years, I've been on the receiving end of this exact behavior. And, like everything in life, God used that crappy situation to prepare me for what happened yesterday.

I was with a friend (lets call this friend "X"). And friend "X" was done wrong by friend "Y". And friend X & Y both happened to be in the same room w/ me. I am so emotionally loyal to friend X that I couldn't help but want to do or say something to belittle or hurt friend Y. I felt that burn start to well up inside in the same way that adrenaline does before a ball game. It was fire-y and aggressive. And at the time, I tried to justify that feeling by telling myself that it came from a loving place for X. But, here's where my previous experience was used for good. I remembered that point in my life where I made a bad choice that directly hurt someone. And as a result of that, I was on the receiving end of some pretty hateful activity, which only turned into a pit of emptiness and defensiveness inside of me. And here's what I've learned. Revenge is not the will of God. And grace IS the will of God. Never once in my life have I seen a situation where hating someone heals.

So, last night, I gave Y a hug and asked for grace on my own life. Because at the end of the day, no matter what X, Y, or Z do, I can only be responsible for I.