I got a phone call last night that my dad had been in a bad accident and he was at the hospital. Stopped me in my tracks. Here I was in Austin, Texas at the South by Southwest festival all day--in what already seemed like somewhat of an alternate universe anyway--while my dad was in what could have been a life-threatening situation. Thank God it wasn't any worse than it was. (He's basically out of commission for 6 weeks, which is, in my opinion, NOTHIN' compared to how much worse it could have been.)
But the thing that really spoke to me was the frailty of life and the priorities I suppress to "do what I need to do". What if that phone call would have been the one that we live in fear of? The worst-case-scenario call. Would living in Nashville really be worth the things I'm chasing to miss out on all the time w/ my family that I am? Who knows. Because on one hand, God lead me to Nashville. And on the other one, I believe he'll lead me back to Kansas someday. It's just a matter of His timing and His will. But right now, I have to live with the consequences of being away.
And yesterday was one of them. My entire extended family (we're talking 7 big families-3 generations) showed up at my dad's side to give him support, give him love and give him hell. (mainly the last part.) Everyone. Everyone but me. And while my parents wish nothing more than for me to spread my wings, I'm the one that has to continually pay that price. The price of not being there when someone needs me. The price of not sharing meals together anymore. The price of not hearing the laughter or seeing the tears that come and go as the days pass. And I can't help but ask myself sometimes "what's it all for?" Songs? Music?
For now, I just trust that there's a purpose for this journey and thank GOD that my dad's okay. He sounded pretty awesome all doped up on Loratab this morning. Good luck, mom.
I always said I wanted to move as far from Sterling as I could (we only made about 40 miles away), but being close to family is so much better. Especially with the new baby. Having family close where they're able to stop by any time and watch him grow is so much better than living in your dream area/state.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your dad and homesickness. I'm sure you'll be back sometime. And you are able to make the trip back a lot more often than most people. Good luck in all you do, and keep reaching for your dreams.
this hit home for me... more than you know. hello tears :)
ReplyDeleteI am prayin for your dad, nic... love ya girl, keep your head up because i know without a shadow of doubt that God is doin a work in you and your family.
Wow, this post was amazing! I am tearing up over here girl :) Well done. And I'm glad your dad is ok!
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